From Warrior-King to Pedophile . . . Damn You Movember! (With BEARD PICS!!!)

movember

First off, let’s get one thing straight: I’m a beard guy. Not that I have anything against the mustache. In fact, I think it’s the most important part of a beard. But the solo stache just ain’t for me.

Don’t get me wrong, some guys can rock the stache like no other. I’m not one of them. I fall squarely into the creepo camp. And it’s a shame too. I’d love to see all those damn mustache stereotypes die a bloody death once and for all.

Unfortunately though, my own pedostache simply reinforces them. It’s thin. It’s blocky. It’s just plain douchey. More dirt squirrel than pornstache.

Fuck it, I’m growing it out anyway.

You see, this is the month of Movember. Haven’t heard of it? Then let me enlighten you. Movember is the male equivalent of Breast Cancer Awareness month. Its aim is to spread awareness about men’s health issues. But in a manly way of course . . . by growing a mustache, or “Mo” as it’s known in Australia, where the movement originated.

So I shaved my beard and I’m rockin’ the stache this month. My chin hasn’t seen the light of day in years – this should be interesting. I’m going to take weekly photo updates as my sad little mustache attempts to fill in to something a little more macho and a little less pedo.

It’ll be an uphill battle, I fear. You see, this is was the aftermath . . .

 

From Warrior-King . . . 

Full Beard 3

 

Full Beard 2

Full Beard 1

 

To Colonel Sanders . . . 

Colonel Sanders 1Colonel Sanders 2

 

And finally, Pedothug . . .

Pedothug 1

 

 

And so, as I mourn the loss of my good friend and trusted advisor (yes, I’m still talking about my beard), I figured I’d take a few moments to jot down some thoughts about beards, mustaches, and manliness in general.

 

The Mighty Beard

Let’s face it: men should have a beard. Why we’ve become a civilization that prefers the clean shaven look to the manly beard simply escapes me. The very idea of a man trying to make his face “smooth as a baby’s bottom” is just plain laughable. Sickening, really.

I mean, how the fuck could we men have let something like this happen? Is it simply that we’ve become too PC? Too feminized?

Tame, perhaps?

Yeah, I think it’s that last.

A clean shaven man is a tamed man. He proudly proclaims his domestication to the world with a bare face and bloodied neck. Cut off the whiskers and you cut out the wild. You collar the beast.

Is there anything sadder than an animal caged?

The beardless face is one whose wearer has unashamedly conformed. To me, it screams of the lemming mentality. It says, “Don’t worry, I won’t make any trouble. I’m just like you. Part of the herd. I’m a good little boy and I do what I’m told.”

But to quote Zach de la Rocha, “Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me.”

So I chose to grow a beard. I chronicled my first real beard over at Jeff’s Beard Board – a great resource for newbie beard growers. When you think about it though, it’s actually pretty sad that men these days have to turn to online sources to learn about something as natural as their own beards. But it seems we’ve lost the collective wisdom that used to be passed from father to son.

What a shame.

Society will tell you that a beard hides a man’s face. And that a bearded man must be hiding something as well. But they’ve got it ass-backwards. For a beard truly makes a man’s face. He who shaves it off removes the very feature of masculinity that nature endowed him with. The feature that marks him a man.

Note that I said “marks him a man,” NOT “makes him a man.” So I don’t wanna hear it. Agree with me or don’t, but if you tell me that a man doesn’t need a beard to be a man, well . . . no shit Sherlock.

What I’m saying is that a beard is nature’s gift to man. It doesn’t hide our face . . . it IS our face. To cut it out is to cut out the character it brings to our face. Character that is ours by birthright. A mastectomy of sorts.

Manstectomy?

Why would any man choose to do this to himself?

But men do. I did myself, for many years. Never thought twice about it. And that’s the scary part . . . the lemming mentality. We think shaving is just something we do. Stubble grows, we shave it off. It grows back, we shave it off again. It’s just part of being a man.

Fucking insane!

Well to hell with that. I long for the day when men aren’t afraid to be men again. Strong. Tough. Gritty. None of this “metro” bullshit. No crying. No manscaping. And certainly no goddamned shaving.

I want to see beards everywhere.

Big or small, long or short. It makes no matter. Grow what you have and grow it without shame. Trust me, you’ll look better. You can’t outwit nature. She knows better than you how your face should look. If she’d wanted you to keep your childish hairless face then she’d have never blessed you with a beard in the first place.

Because a man will never know the glory of his true appearance, how he was meant to look, until he grows his beard in full.

 

So What About the Stache?

SuperTrooper

 

 

I’ll admit, I’m a bit torn on the matter. On the one hand, the stache has a long and noble history. It’s accompanied the face of many a great man.

Because it’s manly as fuck.

On the other, the sad truth is that it’s been tarnished. It’s become a mockery. The thing of snide comments and smug derision. Hell, I even mock my own stache in this very post. So what gives?

I have no good answer. The “why” doesn’t even matter, really. It’s just the way of things. But if we can get past all those dumbass stereotypes, the simple fact is that men look better with a mustache than with a barren face. A mustached man is without question a man. He’s grown past his boyhood and accepted the strength and responsibility required of manhood.

As I see it, the mustache IS the heart of the male face. The crowning feature of a man’s beard. Strong enough to stand on its own, but made even more potent when part of the full beard in bloom.

For in the mustache lies the quintessential essence of man . . . ferocity. A man is wild. He is not tamed. He is not collared. He is not bent, bowed or broken.

He is strong.  He is free.

He is himself. Without apology.

And nothing less.

In the mustache, we see the power of man. Perhaps that’s the real reason it’s become such an object of scorn and ridicule. How better to cower and castrate a man than to destroy his greatest symbol of masculinity?

The mustache signifies our manliest traits. Strength. Vigor. Authority. Resolve. Will. Remove the stache and you remove the most visible sign of these masculine qualities.

So I’m torn. I think I look ridiculous with just the stache. But it’s still a stronger face than my boyish clean shaven one. Maybe I just need to get used to it.

Whatever the case may be, it won’t really matter in the end. Because once this month is up I’ll be growing back the beard. That’s the face I was born to have.

And that’s the face I choose.

Cheers!

P.S. For those wondering just where the hell I’ve been for the last few months . . . all in good time. Or maybe just my next post.

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Comments

  1. Ahhhh well, Trevor, have a thought for the poor buggers whom are NOT as hirsute as you! No matter how hard they try, they only have a few straggles here and there – should they not just give it up. A holy beard is barely worth it.

    That said, a beard is great for hiding a “weak” chin (which, now that we can see yours, is NOT!) For some of us women, that is also a sign of manliness…

    Obviously the beard is back in style – check out all those folkie bands sporting them! (Mumford & Sons, Avett Brothers, Ray Lamontagne – to name but a few!)

    • I hear you Dale, and I feel for those poor bastards, I truly do. But I’d venture that most guys who think they can’t grow a decent beard are mistaken. They just need to give it a chance. I used to think the same. It wasn’t until I gave it about 4 weeks that I realized I could indeed grow a beard after all.

      As for the beard being back in style, I say it’s about fucking time. I don’t know these bands you’re talking about (yeah, I’m that out of touch here in my little red TV-less barn), but if they can help bring the beard back into fashion then I”m rootin’ for ‘em.

      Cheers!

      • Well…. speaking from experience…. an ex-beau of mine insisted on keeping his “beard” – the same one he’d sported for 20 years and let me tell you, he may as well have just given it up!

        As for my hubby, all that grows is a pinch – and that takes weeks and weeks! He could NEVER have what you have just cut off!

        OK, really, you gotta get out there and listen to some of the new tunes! ;-)

        Have fun with Movember!

    • Ray Lamontagne! Now there’s a man with a sexy-bearded face!

  2. Jesse Birkett says:

    I cannot wait to see your face on some police profile on local pedophiles. “Have you seen this man?” Is that mug that you used in your sex offender registry? Or was it too creepy? I bet random people have had long buried memories of childhood sex abuse resurface when they see that mustache. I bet you can’t walk a city block without someone saying “There he is, that is the man who touched me!” Booya!

  3. John Bird says:

    Trevor- I’m thinking the stache makes ya look like Robert Duvall in The Great Santini-quite the manly character! Run with it!

  4. He’s BACK!!

    Donning a mustache is the ultimate in not giving a fuck. You’re aware of the stereotypes and decided to not let other peoples opinions bring you down. Good shit.

    Great to see you posting again man.

    • Thanks buddy! It feels good to be back. And you’re absolutely right . . . anyone who rocks the stache in this day and age is deserving of some respect. It takes unwavering confidence and big BIG balls. My hat’s off to those who don the stache as their facial fuzz of choice.

      Cheers!

  5. Trevor! Good to see you back, Sir!

    I’ve never sat and read an entire post on male facial hair. Or any kinda facial hair. ( <– can't say that anymore).

    At the risk of sounding like a GIRL, I'd say aesthetically, some men look like douches when they grow their beards. Others look incredibly sexy. Depends on the face.

    I doubt a dude would think this way though. Your post says it all.

    Just don't grow a Dali-esque moustache, ok? He may have been a creative genius, but he looked creepy…

    - Razwana

    • No worries Raz, I’m staying far far away from the Dali. I look creepy enough with the stache as it is. As for guys looking like douches when they grow their beards, I agree. But here’s the thing . . . a beard simply enhances the qualities already present in a man’s face. So if a man has a smidgen of douche in his face, then a beard will exaggerate that into full-on douchebaggery.

      But what I really wanna know is . . . do you think I look like a douche with a beard? Be honest now . . .

      Cheers!

  6. HOLY CRAP TREVOR IS ALIVE!!

    Missed you buddy. Where the fack have you been?

  7. Hey Trevor! Glad you’re back! :-D I’ll have to get on my game again.

    Having some experience with babies bottoms, I can certainly see why you wouldn’t want one on your face… but I digress. Leave it to you to start on something mundane and make it about society and identity in general.

    The anti-body hair vendetta, which frankly applies to women too, seems very Puritan. If it is about ‘taming the wildness’ in us, it’s just as much about ironing out the wrinkles, making us all the same, socially acceptable, unlikely to do anything horrific like being real or authentic. The standard of ‘good looking’ for all of us in this society is to look like 12-year-olds, which says something about the inside too. We are all supposed to be obsessed with conformity, pretty but ultimately totally incapable of doing anything that matters. Safe to others by virtue of being confused and stupid. And that, indeed, makes it impossible to really honor who we are, much less be it.

    So I agree completely. I look forward to the beard growing updates. :-)

    • Thanks Morgan! And well said.

      You’re absolutely right about the standard of attractiveness being the 12-year-old pre-pubescent. Men need beardless faces and hairless bodies, women need to be rail thin and shapeless. Androgyny for all.

      Frankly, it disgusts me.

      The natural and innate concepts of masculinity and femininity are being eradicated at a frightening pace. When they’re gone, what exactly will be left in their place?

      • ‘Tis true! What up with this desire to be a twig with no hips or boobs? (well OK.. they add them on so that they are even more disproportionate!)

        Oh yeah. Gimme a man with hair on his chest (preferably not like a bear, mind you!)

  8. Wowzers! That isn’t a beard, that’s a full blown animal living on your face! As for the stache, I refer you to the manliest of staches in history, what I call the ‘Hetfield’.

    Look for pictures of Metallica frontman James Hetfield circa 93-97. Some of those pics are technically beards (without the chin) but others are pure handlebar acts of godliness!

    Good to see you back anyway!!

    • Hey Jamie, as a long time metalhead I know exactly the badassery of which you speak. Back in my late teens/early twenties I would often sport a sad little pair of mutton chops, but what I really dreamed of was to rock the Hetfield. Unfortunately, my upper lip just couldn’t grow shit back then, so I had to settle for the muttons. But yeah, that thing was fuckin’ spectacular.

      Thanks for the welcome back, buddy.

      Cheers!

  9. Hi Trevor Wilson. You look great. If you come to india. you will surely get a chance to act in film.

    Nice post.

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