Goodbye

Empty Mug by cbowns

“All of my plans fell through my hands,

They fell through my hands on me.

All of my dreams it suddenly seems,

It suddenly seems . . .

Empty.” 

– Dolores O’Riordan (The Cranberries)

 

I’ve been sittin’ here for 20 minutes trying to figure out how to start this post. There’s just no good way. So I’ll get straight to the point . . .

I’ll be taking a leave from A Call to Action. I don’t know for how long . . . a long while, most likely.

But didn’t I just come back from a long leave?

Yeah. I did.

And I’m not quite the same person as I was before. I never will be. I never can be.

It’s gone.

Whatever that part of me was, it’s gone. I know that doesn’t make much sense. It doesn’t make sense to me either.

But I can feel it.

I’ve been told I’m an angry man. And I’ve been told I’m a passionate man. I’ve been accused of hiding deep pain, and applauded for bearing my soul. I’ve been called negative, bitter and depressing. And I’ve been tearfully thanked for my words . . . for inspiring real change.

So which is it?

All of it actually . . . at one point or another. Like any man, I’ve a wealth of different experiences. I’ve a hundred different sides to me. A hundred conflicting emotions. But right now, I just feel . . .

Empty.

I often preach that we need to face hard truth. However uncomfortable it might be. Well, the same shit applies to me too.

And the hard truth is that my fire — whatever fire I had — has burnt away. Nothing but ash and ember remain.

My writing’s been forced. Uninspired. Someone’s hit the repeat button and now I’m stuck in a loop . . .  saying the same thing over and over.

Accept the blame. Accept the responsibility.

Accept the truth.

The fucking truth.

Take charge. Take a stand.

Take the wheel.

Well just what the fuck does that mean? Huh?

I’ll tell you what it means: it means I need to go in a new direction. It means I need to stop swimming against the current.

I need to tread a different path.

The reason A Call to Action earned its reputation is because I wrote when inspired. In no uncertain words. I wrote in fury. I wrote in pain. I wrote in hope.

I wrote my blood and guts right onto the fucking page.

Because I was writing for me.

I was writing what I needed to hear. That “kick in the ass” I so delightedly sent your way was always first delivered to my own derriere. My writing was a reminder to never again become the kind of person I once was. And it was the smack in the face I needed to keep my head up high and my eyes firmly set on the path ahead.

But just what path was that?

I thought I knew. My path lay in fitness and personal development.

Here’s the truth though: I’m no fucking self-help guru. I never wanted to be. I’m the last guy in the world who should be telling you how to live your life. I’ve fucked up more opportunities than most will ever have. That’s why I tend to preach how not to be rather than how to be. I could only ever speak from my own experience. Anything else would’ve been a sham.

And while I’ll always be passionate about health and fitness, writing about it was ever a hit or miss affair.

So I’m dialing it back.

A Call to Action has served its purpose. It’s made me a better person. It’s been my stepping stone. My kick in the ass.

I’ve written shit that’s left me a pathetic sobbing wreck. Some of it I published. Much of it I never did. But it was a release nonetheless. It opened my eyes.

Through this blog, through this very post, I reawakened my passion for baking. It ate and ate at me for months.

Until I could ignore it no more.

I heeded my own advice and quit my cush office job to return to the hard, yet fulfilling, life of a baker. That’s right, I can thank my own blog for inspiring me to follow my passion.

I don’t know if that’s totally awesome or just plain fucked up. But it is what it is.

Here’s the thing though: I love blogging. I love everything about it. Call me an addict, but I can’t give it up.

I WON’T give it up.

So I’m standing at the crossroads. Pulled in two different directions . . .

Bake. Or blog.

I’m no multitasker. By pursuing both, I can only give each a half-assed effort. It’s gotta be one or the other. Unless . . .

Unless . . .

I blog about what I love. My truest passion . . .

Baking.

“Well duh,” you say.

I know, I know. But sometimes I’m slow to come around to the obvious.

So that’s what I’m gonna do. I don’t know how my personality will mesh with the over crowded world of food bloggers, but I guess we’re gonna find out.

I’ll be stepping back from A Call to Action while I get my new site up and running. I have to give it my full attention until it can sustain itself.

Until it takes on a life of its own.

Thankfully, I’ve learned a ton from my time with this blog. Lessons I’ll put to good use, you can be sure.

I’m not done with A Call to Action. It’s my first baby, and it’s still got plenty of growing up to do. But when I return, it won’t be the same blog. I don’t know what’ll become of it exactly. Something better, I suspect.

Until that day, however, this is my goodbye. And since I’m not one for long drawn out mushy goodbyes, please know that I mean it, truly mean it, when I say . . .

Thank you.

– Trevor

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Comments

  1. Hey there Trevor,

    Good for you for knowing what you need to do. There must be something in the air lately, you are the third blogger I know who’s decided to take a break and come back with something new! I even changed the name of MY blog!

    That said, I am totally looking forward to your “baking blog” when you are ready to come forth with it. ‘Course, I’m a total foodie so ANYthing regarding food is of interest to me!

    Till, then, I wish you a most Happy Holiday Time and wish you a Wonderful 2014!

    Dale

  2. I don’t see many bloggers moving away from their blog so graciously, Trevor. If this blogging thing isn’t fun, or provocative, or transformational – then what’s the point? You CHOOSE to do it. At least make it fun. At the very least ….

    The only thing I know about bread is that I like eating it. It will be très intéressant to witness your next move, Trevor. Keeping my eyes peeled……

    • Thanks Raz. I appreciate your support. Blogging is still totally fun. In fact, I’d say I’m pretty passionate about it. But I figure it’s best to merge my two passions into one. I expect the end product to be much better as a result.

      Cheers!

  3. Hi Trevor,
    The best energy comes from doing what You enjoying doing best. Sometimes it takes a while to realise that .. I’ve certainly been there.
    Good luck
    Be good to yourself
    David

  4. Damn it. You’ll really be missed, Trevor. Glad to see your own blog has moved you so much. As weird as that sounds to some people I know exactly what you’re talking about.

    You’re not a sham. You inspired others along with yourself. Best of luck with your new endeavors. You’ll do well, that’s for sure.

    • Thank you Vincent! I’ll still be around . . . and checking out your blog too. It’s been a fun watching your rise. I expect that blending my passion for baking and my passion for blogging will ultimately make me better at both. Should be interesting at least.

      Cheers!

  5. Hey Trevor,

    Kudos to you. It isn’t easy to learn to know what’s in your gut vs what’s learned through the programming of society. It’s something every one of us will have to go through – and it looks like you already are.

    Often though – these types of things come packaged in pain and uncertainty…especially since ‘security’ – or at least the type of security we’ve been taught to count on – is an illusion.

    I don’t think there’s any one way to blog. I do feel that the magic in life happens independent of definition. As a natural extension of the Intelligence that flows through us – and this tends to change shape and form as we allow it to – as it’s always available depending on how open we are to it.

    So good luck with your baking. Good thing we don’t know each other in person or I’d be asking to be the ‘here try this’ person and then I’d have to work out every waking moment of my fucking life ;)

    • Ha! How do you think I feel? I’m surrounded by all them goodies every single day!

      But I appreciate your thoughts here Dana. This move is definitely coming packaged in uncertainty. And doubt. But it had to be done. Just like A Call to Action was, it’s another step in the right direction for me. What comes next though, who knows?

      Cheers!

  6. Thank you for being you, Trevor! I really look forward to hearing more from you, but I completely understand your direction.

    I’m so glad your writing worked for you. Writing is like that, isn’t it? It sometimes makes us realize things we never knew about ourselves. Like you said, “It is what it is.” Love that saying!

    We will miss you but hope you will let us know about the new site!!! It’s hard to just “find” people in cyberspace, so keep us posted!

    Many big hugs and love!

    • Thanks Tammy! It is indeed hard to find cyberfolk, but I’m sure we’ll be bumping into each other here and there. It’s a pretty small cyberworld after all. And I’ll definitely send you a link when my new site is up and running.

      Cheers!

  7. Trevor, this takes guts.

    Don’t ever look back. A Call to Action was great, but it’s served it’s purpose. . . for now. I went through something similar a while back, but actually the thing I gave up I didn’t love at all. I put the formula together and it seemed like I should have loved it, but I didn’t. So I had to admit I was wrong and start again. You won’t be sorry. Move forward knowing that you’re going forward.

    And just because I feel all nervous when I don’t give people the resources I think they might need (like my mother packing me half a sandwich to take for the trip home in case I get hungry) here’s a blog you might find interesting – maybe there’s tons more like it, but I thought that half food, half personal development was an interesting combo: blog.letsfeast.com Enjoy – and keep us updated if you can!

    • Thanks for that suggestion Jessica. I checked it out and it’s pretty cool. I’m sure there’ll be plenty of my personal development philosophy seeping through my new blog. I just can’t help it. It’s a part of me.

      I’m glad to hear that you went through something similar and seem to have come through it on a better path. Course-correct as needed, I say.

      Cheers!

  8. The best bloggers are those who write from their own experience. The ones who profess to know everything and present themselves as a ‘guru’ are often full of shit. Don’t ever feel like you are giving bad advice just because you aren’t a qualified therapist. Quite often the best advice comes from our friends and whether we like it or not, we become close to those whose words we read on a regular basis.

    You no doubt helped other people as well as yourself and had a lot of fun doing it.

    A success all round if you ask me.

    Now go and bake!

    Ps. I’ll no doubt get in touch to receive some more crazy fasting advice! I’m embarking on that soon so any future help/motivation will be appreciated.

    Ta ta for now.

    • Thanks Jamie! I feel the same. I’d rather listen to someone who’s been through the trenches than some sheltered inexperienced “guru.” Experience is everything.

      And feel free to hit me up with any questions you have regarding fasting. Just ’cause I’l be blogging about bread doesn’t mean I won’t still be training hard and experimenting with fasting/IF. That’s just part of who I am and what I do.

      Cheers!

  9. Mad respect Trevor. It’s tough to hang it up when you’ve built it up for so long but I totally understand.

    When it stops coming from the heart and starts being about the numbers, shit gets bad in a hurry. I’ve been guilty of it myself. That’s why I completely ditched my posting schedule.

    Looking forward to seeing what the future holds for you. Your personality mixed with the world of baking is like Gary Vaynerchuck’s personality mixed with the world of wine. A shit load of people hated him but a shit load of people of loved him. Ultimately he became a huge because he was just being himself. I’m sure you’ll do the same.

    Enjoy your journey my friend.

    • Thanks for those encouraging words Kevin! I like the comparison! And I hadn’t really thought of it that way, but I hope that’s the case. We’re gonna find out. Because I can’t really write any other way. It’s just how I am.

      And I’m glad to hear you’re taking steps to avoid burnout. Always gotta think long term with this shit.

      Cheers!

    • Great comment Kevin. I love the Gary V example!

  10. Your pal Nick :) says:

    I always wondered how those people who followed Forrest Gump, felt like after Forrest quit running.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKKmzmeU5-0
    Unfortunately, I’ve found the answer.
    What the fuck am I supposed to do now? Where the fuck am I supposed to find another well of infinite wisdom to quench my everlasting thirst for the ultimate truth?
    T-Bag, please, say it ain’t so! Come back!

    • Hmmmm . . . I’m sensing just a touch of sarcasm here. A wee touch.

      Don’t worry buddy, there’ll be plenty of infinite wisdom for you to drink from . . . the well’s just gonna be in a different place. That’s all. You’re welcome to come sip from it any time. Or better yet, maybe even contribute a bit of your own wisdom to it. Or some of your artwork. Just sayin’ . . .

      Cheers!

  11. Hey Trevor,

    Definitely a bit disappointed about your move as you’ve only just came back but I completely understand why you’re doing what you’re doing.

    Also, I totally get what you say about your own writing being that kick up the ass you need, I’m finding the more I blog about the next step, I’m indeed following that path and finding success!

    All the best with your baking blog, it’ll be interesting to see your writing style mixed with such a topic!

    Stay authentic! I imagine, depending on what your goal may be for your baking blog learning from Pat Flynns, Foodtruckr blog may be helpful (http://www.foodtruckr.com)!

    Keep doing what you love, period!

    Cheers

    • Thanks Jackson! Ain’t it amazing how just sittin’ down and writing your thoughts out can evoke such a change. It forces you to take stock and evaluate. It forces decision. And it impels you to follow through.

      Pretty. Fucking. Amazing.

      And thanks for the link! I didn’t realize Pat had a food truck blog. Definitely gotta check that shit out!

      Cheers!

  12. Huge respect to you Trevor,

    It takes a lot of mental strength to let go of something you invested so much into.
    It really is all down to following your passion. The hardest part is looking deep inside your soul and seeing the truth. Sometimes, that truth isn’t inline with what we’re doing, no matter how much we try and bullshit ourselves into believing that it is.

    I wish you the best of luck Trev in whatever it is you choose to do. I believe you’ll do well, you’re following your gut which is really what it’s all about. It takes guts to do this, but you’re certainly no push over ;)

    Good luck!

    • Thanks Onder! You’re right — you always gotta follow your gut. Too bad your gut’s not always that clear. But this is the right step for me . . . at this time. Because each step leads to the next. Had I not started A Call to Action, I wouldn’t have rediscovered my passion for bread. A Call to Action is directly responsible for my return to baking and, now, starting a baking blog.

      And who knows where that’ll lead?

      We can’t always see the path ahead of us as clearly as we think. But so long as we’re moving forward with each step, then we’re heading in the right direction.

      Cheers!

  13. I am so excited for you Trevor. With all those awesome baking posts under your belt, I don’t see how you could NOT successfully combine personal development, baking and blogging. Baking is such a “do-by-feel” kind of thing, you really need the explanation to go with it more than for soup, say (as much as I love soup). And surprisingly, or not, there are a bunch of wellness revolution style bloggers who talk about recipes, and health and fitness, and personal development. Take Kris Carr for example. You don’t have to choose. And it would be unfair to deprive the baking world of cussing and reality insights.

    And as I think Razwana said, 20 points for the single most gracefully executed blogging exit I have ever witnessed. Inspiring all of itself. True to form, you looked the fear right in the face and were honest with us. I’m planning on recreating myself elsewhere too, but I just vanished and ran for the hills with my tail between my legs. This is ‘vulnerability’ at its finest. Which is all the rage, apparently.

    For what it’s worth, Socrates talked at length about how he was the wisest man because he knew that he knew nothing. So telling people how not to live is often wiser than setting yourself up as Mr. Guru Magoo. And I think we are all trying to grow from our blogs… otherwise what’s the point? It’s kind of false martyrdom for your blog and advice to mean nothing to you, what with you the writer being so noble and advanced and what not, but mean so much to them lowly readers. BS.

    I’m going to have to use this exit as a template for my own. I know how you feel – I’ve changed a lot too. I can’t do the standing on a pedestal preaching thing either. So see you on the flip side! Make sure you tell us where your new incarnation materializes! Otherwise, we will have to stalk you.

    :-D

    • Wow, thank you for that awesome farewell Morgan! It means a ton! And it certainly feels good knowing that you and others are supporting my decision to step back for a time. Like you say, we need to write for ourselves first, if we’re to write well at all.

      I want my words to mean something, not just to my readers, but to myself as well. Otherwise, the writing’s just thin and shallow . . . and you can recognize it a mile away. As far as I’m concerned that’s disrespectful and pointless. Write for real, or don’t write at all.

      I’ll be sure to give you a heads up when my new site is up and running. I’ll still be throwing plenty of inspirational shit into my new blog. That’s something that just can’t be helped. It’s part of me and won’t go away.

      So take care Morgan. It’s been a pleasure reading your unique take on things, and I’m wishing you all the best in your own new endeavors.

      Cheers!

  14. “That’s why I tend to preach how not to be rather than how to be. I could only ever speak from my own experience. Anything else would’ve been a sham.”

    —> Indeed.

    It’s good that you’ve got the courage to follow your passion instead of sticking to doing what you’ve already done out of habit or comfort.

    I found your blog rather late, but I like it a lot.

    You’ll be missed. You’ll have to send me the link to your new blog when you get it up.

    ——
    PS: I really like what you’re saying about not going half-assed at something. I fully understand what you mean.

    • I’ll definitely shoot you a link when I’ve got it all set up. Gonna be awhile though — lots of prep will be going into this one. With A Call to Action I just jumped right in before I could change my mind. But with my new blog, I want to set things up right. Well, as right as can be. Food blogs are very image heavy, so I’ve gotta get some gear and learn how to take a damn photo. Not to mention start formulating and testing recipes, and what not.

      But don’t worry, you’ll still see me around. I dig your blog and it’s gonna be fun watching your rise.

      Cheers!

      • Ah, I see. Good thing you know what you’re doing :)

        There’s both good things and bad things about being a slow starter. I’m also a slow starter. The good thing is that it makes you invest heavily into the thing before even really starting.

        For me this creates a ton of motivation/anxiety that I am not really getting anywhere and must get there. That’s how I felt when I was setting up my blog. And now it propels me to pitch a lot.

  15. I know how you feel, Trevor. Sometimes I feel the same way. I just wrote a post last week too about life beyond the blogosphere. I’m not an expert on writing as therapy. I’m an expert of how writing helps me, because I am me. That’s why I’m changing how I look at blogging. I’m getting more personal and real.

    Maybe you should start a blog about baking. You could share recipes and tips. And we’d get to see your true passion.

    • That’s exactly what I’m gonna do Dan. I’ve already purchased my domain name and I’m in the process of setting it up. It’s gonna be a slow process, but when it’s live I’ll be sure to send you a link. I figure it’s best for me to just combine my passion for blogging with my passion for baking into one. I love A Call to Action, and I’m not done with it yet, but what I wrote was what I needed to hear.

      It did it’s job well.

      Now, I’ve got to move on to the next step. A baking blog is the most logical choice. And it’s gonna be so damn fun.

      I think you’re gonna do well by taking on a more personal tone in your blog. Personal suits you.

      Cheers!

  16. And so, acalltobaking.net was born! Right?

    I look forward to seeing your new blog, and based on what you wrote, it sounds like leaving the “cush” job for baking is exactly what you wanted, which would make it the right move.

    Your strong, unique writing voice should suit you well in any niche.

    Cheers,
    Stephen

    • HA! I wish I’d have come up with that name, that’d of been so damn cool. Alas, it is far more mundane. Turns out, all the good baking names are taken. Well, at least the one’s my limited imagination was able to come up with.

      Thanks for the encouragement buddy. Much appreciated.

      Cheers!

  17. The blog has served its purpose — both for you and us.
    The good news is — it will always be here when you get back — and because you shared your writing publicly then it can continue to inspire those that stumble upon it.
    Thanks Again.

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