In my 37 years I’ve made a whole hell of a lot of New Year’s resolutions. I’ve resolved to lose weight, build muscle, face my fears, eat right, quit my job, be more generous, become a better friend, and make something of my life. Among others.
Know how many I’ve kept? Just one.
You’d think that after having made so many resolutions in my life, the odds alone would lead to a higher rate of success. Sadly, that hasn’t been the case.
And I doubt I’m the only one.
How many New Year’s resolutions have you made? Now how many have you kept?
I hope you’ve had more success than I have, but if you haven’t, there’s still hope. There’s more than one path to change. The greatest successes I’ve experienced in personal growth have come outside of New Year’s resolutions.
But before we get to that, maybe I should elaborate a little bit more about the one New Year’s resolution I actually kept. The only one I ever kept.
The last resolution I ever made.
I wish I could tell you that I had resolved to turn my life around and make a difference in this world. Or that my resolution was to help those who couldn’t help themselves. Even a simple “I vow to give more to this world than I take” would have been a worthwhile goal to keep.
But no. Not even close.
Of all the grand resolutions I ever made, the only one I ever kept was . . .
“This year, I resolve to drink more.”
And I wasn’t talking about eight glasses of water a day.
My friends thought it was a joke. We all laughed about it then went on with our business.
But I meant it.
For once in my life, I want to keep just one fucking New Year’s resolution.
So I took the easy way out. Instead of some great resolution to help humanity — or even just help friends and family – I resolved to drink more. Get liquored up. Drink my fucking sorrows into oblivion.
And I kept that one. I kept the fuck out of it.
What does that say about the kind of man I was? Could I even call myself a man? Where the fuck did I go so wrong?
You want to know what it feels like to have kept just one New Year’s resolution in your entire life – a selfish little resolution to fucking drink more?
It feels like shit. Pure fucking shit.
It felt like shit then, and still feels like shit now.
That was my final New Year’s resolution . . . I will never make another.
Thank God that’s not the end of the story. In the years since, I’ve managed significant change without grand New Year’s resolutions. I don’t need them.
And you don’t need them either.
I have nothing against New Year’s resolutions. If they work for you, then great. Keep being awesome.
But if your track record isn’t so good; if you’ve failed more often than you’ve succeeded; then quit playing the game by the same damn rules.
Make your own rules. Change when you want to because you want to. Don’t make your resolutions just because it’s New Year’s. Don’t resolve to change just because everyone else is. Most are only making vows they won’t keep either.
Go it alone. Change on your terms. Do it for YOU!
This world doesn’t need anymore empty fucking promises from empty fucking souls. If you want to change then just get to it.
It won’t be easy. It won’t be fun.
When you are ready, you will have to look into some dark fucking places you’d rather stay blind to. You can’t avoid it.
Acceptance is a bitch. It hits you like no other. It’s worse than fear. It’s worse than anger or despair.
Acceptance is Truth. Hard Truth. And Truth has no pity. It won’t spare your feelings. It won’t tell you everything’s ok.
Truth brings pain.
But it’s necessary. It’s your first step along a different path.
And it doesn’t come from some drunken vow on New Year’s Eve.
So make your resolutions if you must. Proclaim them to friends and family with champagne and cheers all around. But know that true everlasting change does not come from something so superficial.
True change hurts . . . in the beginning, it hurts. So expect pain.
But from that pain a new you will emerge. Like the Phoenix from the ashes.
“Here’s to a new year and new beginnings. Tipping my glass to you, my friends.”
Cheers!
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Wow, now that’s an interesting resolution!
I’m nothing but happy for you that you’ve got out of the old rule set, there can’t be anything but positive change for you now!
It’s a shame to see that so many are too short sighted to see past the pain of acceptance, the rewards are sometimes too good to be true.. It does mean more for the people who try, though!
Happy New Year, Trevor!
Thanks Nick. I have to say, I’m pretty happy I’m out of it too. I think you had the right of it on your latest post.
All too often we confine ourselves to the belief that THIS is the time of the year to finally change. And if we fail to accomplish our New Year’s vows, then we just beat ourselves up about it.
I’ll toast the new year along with everyone else, but I won’t rely on the tradition of New Year’s resolutions to spark change. I’ll do that myself.
Cheers!
Trevor, this is AWESOME!
I just finished reading your comment on my blog and then I see this post! This is certainly the most compelling personal case I’ve heard anyone make against new years resolutions.
I promise I did not read this post before writing mine. Our two posts together would have made a great op ed in some newspaper.
If New Years resolutions are just empty promises and wishful thinking you’re right – better stop making them. Find a way to make real and lasting change in your life.
Awesome.
Op ed piece indeed! Perhaps next year.
I do appreciate the positive feedback Aaron. Some of these posts can be damn tough to write, and I question whether I should hit publish or not. But, like I’m always saying . . . if it scares me, then I know I need to do it.
So I’ll hit that damn publish button.
Fortunately, it seems people are pretty accepting. That makes it all worth it.
Cheers!
Welcome to the anti-resolution revolution. I came to similar conclusions as you years ago. Now I make more lasting changes in my life anytime of the year.
Ha! “Anti-resolution revolution.” Well put.
I don’t know if it’s a revolution, but I’ve definitely noticed the trend. As Aaron pointed out in his post “Why I Still Believe In New Years Resolutions,” maybe it’s just the rise of those damn hipsters. Complacency and apathy certainly play a part, but I think people just don’t value the tradition as much as in the past. For whatever reason.
And then there are those of us who have just gotten fed up. Due to our own failures (or the one success, in my case) we’ve decided that New Year’s resolutions just aren’t our cup of tea. Well I say good. We can take the focus off the holiday tradition and put it squarely back where it belongs — on us. We’re responsible for our personal growth at all times, regardless of what the day is.
So lets get our shit together and start now.
Cheers!
I’ve never really subscribed to the New Year’s Resolution mentality, myself. Found it kind of weird that people would wait until a single day and then decide their lives needed to change. Maybe I’m being harsh, I don’t know, but it’s just an underlying lack of belief.
If you truly believe, there is no better time to change than NOW. Perhaps cliche, but in my life it has proven the most true. You have to have 100% commitment and that’s right away.
That being said, I have heard perspectives from my readers (of the post I pasted below, which you can delete if you’d like, but it is relevant) that indicate they give themselves the time to build up the willpower in order to succeed. I guess different things work for different people.
http://www.thehackedmind.com/why-new-years-resolutions-dont-work/
If you really want a New Year’s Resolution try “Improve myself as a whole”!
Yup, like you say Mans. . . different strokes for different folks.
But I think the one’s who manage to “build their willpower” up to the day and then successfully achieve their resolution would be in the extreme minority. For most of us, there’s just no point in waiting. Waiting just means we don’t want it bad enough.
If you truly want change, then you’ll make the change. Regardless of the day. Regardless of the obstacles. Regardless of the struggle.
If I could do it all over again, maybe I would resolve to never make another New Year’s resolution. It’d be just as easy to keep, and the effect would have been the same . . . no more resolutions.
Cheers!