Douchebags. Goddamn douchebags. I hate ‘em. My guess is you do too. And for good reason . . . they coast through life so easily. Ne’er a struggle. Ne’er a doubt. Just free to be their douchey self, and reaping all the perks.
And that’s why we really hate ‘em, right? It’s those perks. I mean, let’s be honest now, what is it we truly hate about these douchebags?
They get paid. And they get laid.
But wait a sec. This is sounding a lot like envy to me. Don’t we all want to get paid? And laid?
Well then, maybe it’s time we stop mocking the douchebags of the world (silently, of course, behind their backs) and start studying their douchery. Studying just what makes ‘em tick. What makes ‘em so effin’ successful.
Damn. This might hurt a little . . .
Douchebags Don’t Give a Fuck
That’s right. They simply don’t care what you or I think. They do their own thing. Whether that thing be spray-on tans, greasy spiked hair, popped collars, shaved chests, or bling. Way too much bling.
Here’s the deal: douchebags have found their style. However fucking lame it might be. It’s their thing. They live it.
Do you have a thing?
And if so, are you living it? Because you only get one shot at life. So who gives a shit what others think. Who cares if people scoff at your ideas, laugh at your dreams, or even call you a loser.
It’s not their life. It’s yours. Do what you want. And make no apologies for it.
Douchebags Got Brass Balls
I hate to admit this, but it’s true. Douchebags have the guts to do what others are afraid to. They’re not afraid to tell someone off. Flip ‘em the bird. Or even throw down if it comes to it. They’re not afraid to try new things and make a fool out of themselves (ok, mostly they just can’t help that).
And they’re certainly not afraid to approach the ladies.
Yup, douchebags pretty much have no fear. Can you imagine what it might be like to live without fear controlling your every decision? Can you picture going through life with the confidence that you can handle any situation? Knowing you’re on top of things. That you can handle this shit because you are the shit.
Sounds pretty sweet, right?
Unfortunately, it takes balls. It takes guts. In order to go after what you want in life, you have to be willing to fall flat on your face. In public. With people pointing and laughing.
Are you willing to take that kind of fall?
Because if you’re not, then you’ll never reach the heights of success you’re capable of. Everyone of us has the potential to be remarkable.
Every. Single. One of us.
But only those with the courage to chase their potential can ever find it.
Douchebags Ain’t Afraid to Strut
I know, I know. They’re so damn obnoxious. Wiggas driving around in their pimped out Honda Civics, wearing oversized hip-hop jackets, and flashing gang signs all over the place.
Or those skinny Jersey Shore rejects in their muscle tees and wife-beaters, flashing their 12 inch biceps and oily abs all over the place.
Even that two-faced corporate bigwig; flashing his fat wallet, Rolex, and Bluetooth headset all over the place.
Call it arrogance. Or cockiness. Or bragging. Or whatever. I call it strutting.
Simply put, these douchebags aren’t afraid to strut their stuff. Now, what “their stuff” consists of might be questionable. Or fucking moronic. But we can still learn a lesson here.
You see, sometimes we need to strut. We need to show off. It’s in our nature. Strutting allows us to show our credentials. Doctor’s hang their certificates and honors on the walls. Authors list their bestsellers, or what publications they’ve written for. And bloggers always let us know how many subscribers and Twitter followers they have.
We’re talking about social proof here.
The fact is, without some sort of social proof, no one is ever gonna take you seriously. Ever. Because if you don’t show your wares, how can you ever make a sale?
Now, I believe humbleness is a virtue. But it can only get you so far. At some point, you gotta partake in a little braggadocio. Don’t wait for someone to just come along and shine the light on you. You’ve gotta do that yourself.
Or you’re just gonna be left sitting alone in the dark.
Douchebags Are Always on the Prowl
Just what exactly are they on the prowl for? I’m sure you can come up with a few guesses. Regardless of what they’re after, the point is they’re looking. They’re pursuing.
Douchebags know what they want, and they go after it. With single-minded intent. Failure is not an option.
In and of itself, that’s a pretty admirable trait. You absolutely cannot get what you want in life if you’re not willing to go after it. It doesn’t matter what’s stopping you: fear, doubt, procrastination, or ignorance. If you’re unwilling to overcome your roadblocks, then you’ve condemned yourself to remaining stuck right where you are. For the rest of your life.
Better to just take stock, take aim, then fire away.
Douchebags Know How to Close the Deal
Whether it’s a one-night stand, a big sale, or a sweet promotion, douchebags always seem to get what they want. It’s not coincidence. It’s not luck. It’s not cosmic fate or any other such nonsense.
It’s because douchebags never let an opportunity slip by. Never. They’ve got a killer instinct. They won’t quit. They won’t slow down, even as their prey tires.
They don’t give in to Resistance.
That’s what separates the winners from the losers. The heroes from the zeros. That’s the real reason douchebags get the girls, and anything else they want in life . . . they go after it, and they close the deal. Plain and simple.
Where you or I might cave to resistance, the douchebag just keeps on going. And he doesn’t look back. He only gains momentum.
So What Makes a Douchebag a Douchebag?
Sure, there are some tried and true douchebags out there (aforementioned wiggas and Jersey Shore wannabes, for example), but the sad truth is that most of the douches of the world are only douches because they have what we want.
They get the girl because they go after the girl. They get the cush promotion because they go after the cush promotion.
They get the opportunity because they go after the opportunity.
I don’t think I can say it any clearer.
So we despise the douchebag because he’s shown qualities we only wish we had: confidence, guts, hustle, determination, and ambition.
We call him a douche (or a sleaze, or a suck-up, or a show-off) but it’s really a matter of perception. We envy what we don’t have, then justify our weakness by calling those more successful than us “douchebags.”
We’re better off simply admiring their virtues. If we can do that, then maybe . . . just maybe . . . a little bit of their douchery might rub off on us.
Cheers!(Image courtesy of slamgreetings.com)
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